I know... you wouldn't think I'm a pioneer when you look at me, but you can rest assured that I will be crowned the inventor of the greatest sport ever to be played by mankind. And unfortunately for those equal rights junkies out there, the game, NadBall, can only be played by those with the correct equipment.

It started out as a harmless (OK, not entirely harmless) idea borne from boredom in a hotel room as a kid, when I decided to ball a tube sock and hurl it at my brother's testicles whilst he was unawares. Sure, anyone can throttle the unsuspecting's man-junk and bolt in the seconds to hours of convulsions that are sure to follow. But not I; in a moment of true genius and sportsmanship, allowed him a return free shot. The sports world has never been the same since.

From those first simple games with a sock to my college matchups with varying degrees of Nerf paraphernalia, NadBall has been a sport to inspire fans everywhere to cheer out a resounding "Huh?," or, "You did what?," upon hearing of these fabled contests. The rules were simple, and the damage was immediate and usually hilarious.

Somehow, I lived through college, testicles intact. I was still even able to bear children. Children who will undoubtedly conjure up games to bruise and maim their own genitals. Ah, the circle of life...

But for now, all I can hope to do is to inspire a few other NadBall enthusiasts out there. A few decades down the line maybe it will finally become America's pastime ...or at least a footnote on the theories of Darwinism.