Yep, it's time for a little more consumer outrage...

I recently had to pick up light bulbs during my weekly trip to the grocery store, seeing as how light seems to be a pretty popular thing these days. We usually keep a stock of different wattages to fulfill our lighting needs around the house should bulbs go out here and there.

I'll take this time to admit that I am a brand-name bitch. I will buy the fancy, more expensive product from the major conglomerate company before I even consider a generic brand or some second-rate store version. Yes, I know that they are pretty much the same product in almost all cases. And I also can say that the reason that the brand name product costs more is that the company that produces it is the one who actually fronted the development costs for said product, although in reality I don't actually care. So there must be some deeply-ingrained, subliminal stimulus that makes me "have" to buy the brand name product, in this case, light bulbs from General Electric.

This little aside has nothing to do with my latest dilemma, however, because it seems to be a change rampant throughout the light bulb manufacturing community. In need of 75 watt bulbs, I head down the aisle to find...

...71 watt light bulbs? 57 watts instead of 60 watts? Oh, apparently GE invented some new radical technology to reduce power consumption by 5%. That's amazing! Someone get this company an award! Oh wait... "Provides 1010 lumens, nearly the same light as 75 watt GE Soft White Double Life bulb providing 1085 lumens." Ugh...

There are so many things wrong here, I don't even know where to begin.

First off, the original 75 watt light bulb that was no longer stocked at my retailer (which will from here on be referred to as 75W Classic) provided 14.47 lumens per watt, while these imposter 71 watt bulbs provide 14.23 lumens per watt. That's right, their "energy efficient" reduced wattage bulbs have a less efficient lumens per watt ratio!

I can hear my detractors now, "But Jason, you're using less wattage, which means you are reducing the amount of power you spend!" If you needed less light, nothing stopped you from using a 60 watt bulb in place of a 75 watt bulb. You don't have to max out on power if you don't need it, thus making these replacements a clever yet worthless ploy to pander to the latest "green" craze. If you really want to cut down the power and "lower your eco-footprint," turn off the damn lights!

But now I must call attention to the most heinous crime of them all: 71 is a horrendous number!

Now, all of this comes from a guy who has to pump gas to multiples of a nickel. Hey, that's really progress considering I used to have to make it increments of a quarter. Standard wattages such as 40 watts, 60 watts, and 75 watts appealed to my "need" to have nice round numbers. I can barely sleep at night knowing that I have a box full of large prime numbers hiding in my closet.

So let's cut the crap GE; your new energy saving bulbs save nothing, unless you count my unwillingness to buy and use them as a carbon credit.

I'd like to guide you through a thought experiment to test your imagination. Read through the following passage, then close your eyes to picture the scene. Then click on the link to answer some questions. Simple, right? We'll let's proceed...

Bob is leaving work, the lucky devil, and walks outside of the office to find an overcast and generally miserable day. As he strolls out to his car, a light drizzle begins to fall and Bob picks up his pace. The rain starts to fall even harder, which again prompts Bob to begin a trot for his vehicle. As the falling water transitions to a downright pour, Bob starts running for his car, popping the trunk as he gets close to pull out an umbrella. Upon reaching his car, Bob pulls out the umbrella and opens it in preparation for walking to the driver's side door. But just as the umbrella snaps open, the rain stops and the sun peeks from behind the clouds.

Now that you've considered the scenario, there is a very important question...

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